Ain’t this some shit!

The break-up of any relationship is really shitty. And I mean that in every sense of the word, a pure mess.

You look at all the time you invested, wasted efforts, missed-opportunities, gut-wrenching compromises, all to end up here! And when you’ve got children involved, it makes the predicament even more… fucked. And I don’t even swear in my normal day to day life.

You start thinking about the ‘non-negotiables’ you bent on. ‘Why didn’t you just stick to the plan?!’ you hear your inner voice say, ‘falling in love is fine, but changing and re-arranging your plan for love? Stupid!’. Now, look where it’s got you.

1+1= 2, 2+2 = 4. It can never be 10, even if it really wants to, dreams and prays to be, it just can’t. So why did you think you could have your happily ever after when you started with accidentally…You had an appointment. Oh my goodness! I think he basically said you trapped him. Yes, Trapped. Trapped? Trapped!

One of my greatest fears is to be trapped in an unhappy life, that’s called a nightmare. Sections of my childhood were so unhappy, I couldn’t affect any change in it, so I promised myself that when I was finally free and old enough to order my own steps, I would never bind myself in anything that I could not have control in. So I would never, could never allow myself to deny another human being the same choice. Damn, really?

Oh God…Why?….. How?!?

I want to cry, but my visual recall of all the break -up/hard done by women movies I’ve seen, won’t let me. Why can’t I just fast forward to the part of the movie of my life where everything starts to get better and you realise that it was the best thing that could have happened to your life?

Breathe…. I need a minute, time to figure out who I am outside of this union. One day at a time.

Day One.